She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my shit smells like andre
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
