remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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