Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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