Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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