If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
