I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
