Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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