The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
