Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
