and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
