It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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