I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
