I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
