I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
