i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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