Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize