Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
