dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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