i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
