I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
