my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
