i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
