today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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