is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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