what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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