the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
