So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
