Don't make out with my wife yet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
