We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
