"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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