Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
