I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Randomize