let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
home. puking in laundry basket.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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