Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
