i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
