i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
don't judge my taste in strippers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
