Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
