Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
