Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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