I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
