dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
