i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
