I smell stomach acid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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