Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
