God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want nice things and good sex
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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