hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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