do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
