i will never coherently bang her
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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