its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
