how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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