I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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