At least make sure they are 18
Why
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
