Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i think i just lost a toe
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
