hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
