When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
