It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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