Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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