so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
