I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
