OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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