**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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