whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
