I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
