A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
