so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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