Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
