i just wanna soil my oats bro
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
