Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
