we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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