I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
