This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
