hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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