covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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