I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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