His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
