Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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